On my very long journey home today (about 32 hours) I spent some time trying to contemplate what I wanted to bring home with me this time.  I know for sure I don’t want to bring the bugs, malaria, food and general dirty-ness!  But- this being my fifth trip I am aware that it would be easy to start to take the whole experience for granted. I realized that the lessons are really quite simple- but I want to share them.

Lesson #1- It is not what you have, but it is who you know.  

These kids have nothing. Most of them own only a few pairs of clothes. They have no material possessions and they seem to lose pretty much everything we give them (kids!). But what they have more of than most of us can even dream of is family. They have tons and tons and tons of people around them who love them. They think of themselves as a big family and so effectively each have 51 brothers and sisters. The way that they all take care of each other and the support they collectively have is so much more powerful than any item that anyone could purchase. In another completely different perspective on the same concept- there are literally thousands of orphans throughout Uganda, never mind all of Africa or the rest of the world. The number of children who we cannot support is heartbreaking at times.  But we have made a commitment to care for these 52. It wasn’t like we went and hand picked them- but they were somehow in the right place at the right time- and were 52 extremely lucky children who have the type of support, love and access that most of Uganda could not even dream of. Whether you believe that we found these 52 kids by chance or by destiny- you have to agree that in this scenario, for these kids, who they know is literally life changing. We have one family where we have 3 of the siblings and just found out that they have an older sister. It is honestly heartbreaking to not just be able to take her in too- but if we started down that path we would never be able to accomplish our goal of really investing in a group of children. But in this case- even within a group of siblings- who 3 of them got to meet has changed their life- and their sister will not have the same life they will have.

Lesson #2- You do not need 99% of what you think you need.

I worked hard to pack in such a way that I would leave most of my clothes behind and only come back with a large carry on. I gave away the laptops, the candy, the clothes, the games and the actual duffel bag that I had packed it in. I was coming home with my carry on full of books, random toiletries and food, first aid, technology etc. As I was doing my final packing, about to leave, I was talking to Tina- our Social Worker for the project. I saw my bathing suit and thought she might need it so gave it to her. I saw all the bars and travel food I had and was sure she would eat it- so I gave it to her. Then I looked at my first aid pack and really didn’t think I would need it for my trip home- so left it for her. Before I knew it I had literally given her the carry on bag that I was going to carry my stuff back in. I got a white garbage bag and piled my very few belongings into it and started my journey home. I have to tell you that it is fine.  I haven’t even thought about one of the things that I left behind. Yet- if I sit and think about how much it is all worth- the cost of the bag, the cost of the bathing suit, all the food, the first aid materials, the books I left…it is hundreds and hundreds of dollars. And I gave it away and it is like it is not even gone- I have tons of all of those things at home. Such an amazing lesson in really thinking through and being clear about the difference between true need and want. We need 1% of what we have. We want the rest.

Lesson #3- It really is possible.

“Nikibasika”- what we named the project a few years ago- means “it is possible” in some of the kids’ local language. We named it because we wanted the kids to believe that it is possible. But this year- I was reminded of the fact that it really is possible. We used to go on these visits and spend an entire week in a series of meetings talking about nothing but drama. People were trying to steal money. Or steal children. Or there was not enough money. Or we didn’t know where our kids were from. Or we were being threatened for our “white money”. Or/And, Or/And, Or/And.  It went on and on and on. This year, our biggest problems were a couple of behaviour issues and the need for better finance reporting. We are watching these kids grow up, get so tall and big, graduate from grade to grade each year. This year we have 11 of our 52 children in some form of post secondary school! Our youngest kid is already 6- the rest are 8 and older. Many of them are in leadership in their schools, captain of their sports teams, making plans for what they want to learn and do and more. These kids look good, sound good, are confident, have better and better English- and are going to really make something of themselves. It is possible. It is possible to come from absolutely nothing or everything or anything- and become what you want to be. These kids are the very essence of “Creating Reality”.  And it is inspiring to watch.

Lesson #4- Women are going to run the world.

Each year we take the Secondary School (high school) boys and girls for a special lunch. This year- because our kids are getting older and more and more are in Secondary, we split the girls and boys up- and did a girls’ lunch on Wednesday and a boys’ lunch on Friday. The girls ate more than the boys, there were way more of them in school leadership than the boys, they talked more than the boys, they were asking really amazing questions about their futures, they were more self aware than the boys. They were rock stars. Don’t get me wrong- I am really not a feminist and I actually tend to relate to men more than women. I love guys. And I love our boys at Nikibasika more than I can even express. But for all of those reasons- these girls gave me a huge gift. They actually gave me a perspective where I was not only proud of them, but proud to be a woman. Proud to be someone who could multi-task, make things happen, connect emotionally and pull off huge things- all at the same time. These girls have come through more than most of us can imagine and they are emerging strong, confident and powerful women. Through them, I became just a bit more strong, confident and powerful.

We always think we have so much to teach the rest of the world. But I honestly wonder what would happen if North America would stop talking and teaching and start listening and learning from everyone around us. I think it would change the world.

When you are around 52 kids who are unbelievably beautiful, happy and grateful for what they have- and you become literally immersed in them, everything else fades away.  Last night I was sitting in my fairly uncomfortable bed, under my mosquito net, still covered in kid grime, dirt, deet and whatever else I got covered in from the day, too tired to shower, but thinking about how much I had enjoyed the day.  For me, it is a huge lesson in mindset vs circumstance.  I have fought very hard for a set of “perfect” circumstances.  An apartment in the West Village, a company that I created, clothes that look good, huge travel experiences and living life big.  And while I wouldn’t trade any of that- or stop fighting for that- when I think about the moments that I am truly happy- it is the moments when I am 100% present.  It is the moments when my phone is off and I am just talking with someone I care about.  It is the moments when I get sick of working and go to a movie instead. It is the moments when I worry less about what I am not doing and focus entirely on what I am doing.

I have started to be able to tell when I am in a good place or when I need to get back to a good place.  When I am in a good place I am having fun all the time.  I am enjoying every moment, even when things are not ideal or going as I want them to.  That is when I have perspective and I am living out being present all the time. I know all too well though when I am not in that state- when I get more anxious, when I can’t focus, when I am worrying more about things that could be than what is in front of me.  In that place, nothing productive happens.

So- yet another gift these children have given me- a reminder of what it truly feels like to be in the moment and a challenge to myself to live life back home like I live life in Uganda (but hopefully minus the dirt!).

The reality is that I have never started a blog because every time I sat down to start to write one I kept thinking that there is no way I could encompass everything that has happened so far. I also wasn’t sure what voice I wanted to write from- me as Founder of Silver Lining? Me as entrepreneur? Me as philanthropist? Me as a woman in the big city? Then, I realized I needed to write as just me- all of those things and none of those things. And I just had to start now.

SO- finally- I am just starting as me, today.

Today, I am sitting on a beautiful deck in Maui, looking out at the most amazing view of the jungle and the ocean and am so thankful that I have a life where this is possible. I woke up at 6:30AM Maui time, sat in bed (because that is, ironically, the only place I can get internet access!), answered emails for a couple of hours, got up, ate breakfast with one of my closest friends and am now sitting here on the deck looking at one of the most beautiful views I have ever seen.

All I see when I look around me is endless possibility. Without consciously doing it- I am living a life fueled by my belief in endless possibility. The beauty of endless possibility is that you can’t plan it, you can’t predict it and you can’t decide what it will be. You cannot control it. If someone had asked me 10 years ago where I would be now- I never could have predicted this. The number of times an unexpected curveball hit that I had to react to or a huge opportunity opened up in front of me that I decided to pursue or something I thought was a sure thing had to come to an end are countless. Yet, in the midst of all of it- I have found my closest friends, I have discovered the most about myself and I have been a part of the most amazing experiences.

I recently decided to take one week off a month for 6 months. Last month I went to AZ to visit my dear friend Kate Moller for a week. This month I am in Maui with another dear friend Danielle Vieth. Next month I visit my kids in Uganda. Jan, Feb and Mar are in the works. Some people have heard about this decision and think that I must be so successful that I can just start taking exotic vacations monthly. The reality is that I have had an extremely hard 6 months and in order to prevent burn out or an entire messy break down, I have decided to proactively take care of myself so that I can be the best version of myself when I am present in business and my personal life. Identifying what I needed to take care of myself was a quick, unplanned reality. It was not in my plans to take 25% of my time away. I did not have it budgeted. I did not feel like I could afford to take the time away from Silver Lining in the midst of our SLAPcenter.com launch. I did not feel like it was reasonable to give myself this much time for me.

And then I stopped myself and just asked myself- why not? Why not take time for myself? Why not spend 25% of my time becoming the best version of me so that I could spend 75% of my time operating at 100%? Why not explore how I could make this self recuperation mission affordable and doable? All of a sudden, my vision of exploring the world changed. I have friends in amazing places- people I would love nothing more than to spend time with. Why do I need to go to a resort or on some expensive retreat when I can be with people I love and stay with them? Then, I thought what if I just worked a couple hours a day to keep things together, but completely removed the pressures of meetings, a schedule and obligation? Why not do a bit of work each day to keep things moving- but still enjoy time in a beautiful place? All of a sudden my weird template that a vacation meant phone off and work meant working all the time started to fade.

Then, crazy little things started to happen. I got a call from the Oprah Winfrey Network asking me to come do a guest appearance on a tv show they are filming. The travel budget to get to the filming location ended up covering most of my flight from NYC to filming to Maui to back to NYC. Now I had my flight covered- and got to film for OWN on my way to Maui! Endless possibilities.

This lifestyle of proactively pursuing endless possibility has allowed me to take what has been a horrible 6 months and turn it into an opportunity to spend time with my closest friends, to explore the world and to think differently about how I manage my team so that I can have the freedom to go away when I want or need to.

I look around the world so often and see so many people who are living a life that they feel like they should- or that they feel is their only option. I hear people constantly asking what if and pointing out all the reasons they cannot pursue their passions or create the life they want. I simply ask back “Why Not”? Why not make it happen? Why not create it? My life is far from glamorous. It is not perfect. It is packed with mistakes, huge lessons I have learnt and have yet to learn and lots of war wounds. BUT- what it is, is full of experiences and people and learnings and color. I pray that I never lose any of those things for the perceived comfort of a predictable plan.

When I think about what I hope people will get out of reading this new blog of mine- I hope it is a constant and challenging message that there is endless possibility for everyone and that it only requires you deciding to proactively pursue it. This journey led by endless possibility is open for everyone.